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Ok so it isn't sensible stuff, it's fun stuff. Below is various brain teasers, and jokes that we pass around, some are good and some are so stupid you cant help but laugh. Enjoy Broken guitar for sale - no strings attached Monday is a bad way to spend 1/7th of your life!! My wife says I never listen...........or something like that??!! Whats the difference between a magnet and a woman? A magnet also has a positive side!! What is a Yankee? The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone. Why did Santa's little helper feel depressed? He had low elf esteem!!! Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? He didn't have the guts... How do you get Pikachu on the bus? Pokemon Being punctual is pointless.............no one is around to appreciate it! A man walks into a bakery and asks how much for a load of bread. To which the baker replies, £1. The man then goes on to ask how much 6 rolls cost. Again, the baker replies, £1. The man is about to ask for another item when the baker interrupts him..........look mate, everything is a pound, I am the £1 baker. I will have two of them cakes there then please - says the man. Thats £3 then please said the baker. I thought everything was a £1 said the man. The baker replied, Aye, but these are madeira cakes A guy walks into a bar and sees a dog lying in the corner licking his balls. He turns to the bartender and says, "Boy, I wish I could do that." The Bartender replies, "You'd better try petting him first." A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?" The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made.." Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.. The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved." The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?" The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his." The Dictionary: what hi-tech salespeople say and what they mean by it New: Different color from previous design. All new: Parts not interchangable with previous design. Unmatched: Almost as good as the competition. Designed simplicity: Manufacturer’s cost cut to the bone. Foolproof operation: No provision for adjustments. Advanced design: The advertising agency doesn’t understand it. Field-tested: Manufacturer lacks test equipment. High accuracy: Unit on which all parts fit. Direct sales only: Factory had big argument with distributor. Years of development: We finally got one that works. Revolutionary: It’s different from our competitors. Breakthrough: We finally figured out a way to sell it. Improved: Didn’t work the first time. Futuristic: No other reason why it looks the way it does. Distinctive: A different shape and color than the others. Re-designed: Previous faults corrected, we hope. Hand-crafted: Assembly machines operated without gloves on. Performance proven: Will operate through the warranty period. Meets all standards: Ours, not yours. Broadcast quality: Gives a picture and produces noise. High reliability: We made it work long enough to ship it. New generation: Old design failed, maybe this one will work. Customer service across the country: You can return it from most airports. Unprecedented performance: Nothing we ever had before worked this way. Built to precision tolerances: We finally got it to fit together. Microprocessor controlled: Does things we can’t explain. Some riddles now.......drag your cursor over the text to show the answer If Moses took two of every animal onto the Ark, how many animals in total did he take? None. It was Noah that took the animals Where will you find roads without cars, forests without trees, and cities without houses? A map A man was found murdered on Sunday morning. His wife immediately called the police. The police questioned the wife and staff and got these alibis: The Wife said she was sleeping. The Cook was cooking breakfast. The Gardener was picking vegetables. The Maid was getting the mail. The Butler was cleaning the closet. The police instantly arrested the murdered. Who did it and how did they know? It was the maid. There is no mail delivered on Sundays! A boy was at a carnival and went to a booth where a man said to the boy, "If I write your exact weight on this piece of paper then you have to give me $50, but if I cannot, I will pay you $50." The boy looked around and saw no scale so he agrees, thinking no matter what the carny writes he'll just say he weighs more or less. In the end the boy ended up paying the man $50. How did the man win the bet? The man did exactly as he said and wrote “your exact weight” on the bit of paper. How do you say the following: nine and five is thirteen OR nine and five are thirteen? Neither. Nine and five is fourteen A fathers child, a mothers child, but no-ones son? A daughter The more you have, the less you see. What is it? Darkness Wow!!! That's interesting.........strange but true. If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would produce enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain. Just twenty seconds worth of fuel remained when Apollo 11’s lunar module landed on the moon. If you attempted to count to stars in a galaxy at a rate of one every second it would take around 3,000 years to count them all. Every minute in the U.S. six people turn 17. Human hair and fingernails continue to grow after death. Termites eat wood twice as fast when listening to heavy metal music. Guinness Book Of Records holds the record for being the book most stolen from Public Libraries. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning. The QE2 cruise liner, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns. People spend about two weeks of their lives stuck at traffic lights. Donald Duck's middle name is "Fauntleroy". By donating just one pint of blood, four lives can be saved! YouTube VideoYouTube VideoYouTube Video |
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